theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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