I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
