Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
