You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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