Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
