walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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