I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
