just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
