Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
