You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
