Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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