He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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