So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
