the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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