You smell like stripper and shame
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
