whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
