If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
