so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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