In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I want is dick and wine.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
