I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
