I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
