i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
