People with herpes should wear stickers.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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