so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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