Do you still have your period?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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