It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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