I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
