trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
