i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
