My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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