you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
