when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
