YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
