I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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