how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
