he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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