i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
