Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's shark week go big or go home
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
