he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
