you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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