im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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