I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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