dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
