hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
