you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
