they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
