I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
