I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm like, not good at living.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
