I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
