i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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