Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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