Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
