why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
