Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
