got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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