NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
