party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
