Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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