My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
