hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Send help, water and tortillas.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
